My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
