His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize