Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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