its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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