honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
