i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
