Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
