I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
