I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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