Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
