i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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