the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
MIDGETS
????
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
