I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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