I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
