I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
