i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
