I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
