I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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