Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize