Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
