I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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