I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
