I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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