I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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