I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Slut skills are useful in every country.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
