I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
