Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
