Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
her vagine was all disorganized.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
