When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
