I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
