just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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