I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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