I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
