Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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