Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
