Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
