it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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