i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize