when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
please come you make the beer taste better
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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