Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
