and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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