No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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