was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
COCAINE IS GR8
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
