this beer tastes like vomit already
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
