I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
