In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize