I wish I only lived at night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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