Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
