you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
