pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize