So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
