the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
