Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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