you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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