You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There's always time for handjobs
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
