took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
