Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
