Pregnant stripper...not hot.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We had to coat check the pizza.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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