I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
