i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
