And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
we're so committed to being not committed
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
