I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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