I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We had to coat check the pizza.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
