i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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