At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
