I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
