i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
