Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
